May 12, 1008

I hope I'm getting ready for a "breakthrough". This year has been
unsettling for me. The new year started with family therapy. Lent
was isolating and long. Easter was busy followed by Hawaii with Mimi.
Now, the wedding season starts. Through these past 5 months I have
felt disconnected, critical, resentful. Lately, I've been sick which doesn't
help my mood. I haven't been able to run or recently even work out
at all. That certainly doesn't help my attitude.
I have been reviewing relationships that are currently in a disappointment
mode. My step-daughters are becoming exactly the women I had hoped
they wouldn't. The eldest is having trouble at work. Those who criticize
her are, of course, stupid and incompetent. She doesn't have the ability
for introspection as she is always right. The youngest is currently un-
employed, living off an insurance settlement and demanding her father
pay medical bills. Bills that resulted because of her lifestyle and dramatic
response to any discomfort. I spent the weekend with these young women
and was thoroughly disgusted and alienated. At some level, I feel vindicated.
No one could get along with these two. At a more practical level, I feel
that they will never be independent or content. I wonder what their mother
is thinking.
My goal for the next several months:
1. Focus on my relationship with God--more prayer, more trust, help others.
2. Get healthy again--heal from this URTI, more frequent workouts, continue
good eating habits and reduced alcohol intake.
3. Be grateful.
4. Be a good wife and good friend and good sister.